I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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