Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
