I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
