I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
