it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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