Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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