Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
