his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
