I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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