I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
