He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
