when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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