Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I did not marry a roomba.
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