OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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