sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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