i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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