I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
