Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
