hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
