Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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