Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
