Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
