Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
