The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
