Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
