Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
