dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
