all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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