Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
