Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
