i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
