as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need a beard to bite.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
