You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
