marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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