She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
