Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
