I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
