I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
how does that bad decision feel?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
