so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
