Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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