It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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