I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize