Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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