Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
