This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
