dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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