I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
