Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize