hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
