nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
