If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
