she told me i tasted like america
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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