That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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