he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
