I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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