If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
