My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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