My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
