don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
