A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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