So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
soo... how was my night?
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