you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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