Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want her autograph on my taint
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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