He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
