i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
