Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
