Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
