she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
