I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
