just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
