I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
