Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
