R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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