Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
