Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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