bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
